Thursday, August 16, 2012

Drama, much?

Noah, my 7 year old drama prince, has a flair for the dramatic.  Yesterday he came moaning and crawling into my office, clutching his beloved Angry Bird, who evidently made the long and arduous journey from the living room with him.


Noah claimed that he couldn't walk because of weakness caused by hunger, hence the crawling.  And he desperately needed Doritos Taco Chips to survive.


When I told him that he'd have to make do with an apple, Noah and his Angry Bird crawled a few more inches and collapsed, all in very dramatic fashion, of course.  By the way, and I know it's hard to spot on my wild rug, but the green octopus thing is a smelly dog toy.  Having my nose 1 inch away from that would revive me right away, but I guess Noah's situation really was dire.


No, Noah, it is NOT considered child abuse to give you an apple rather than Taco chips.  Yes, I realize I will not win Mommy of the Year.  I'll live.  And so will you.  *rolls eyes*

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

The Little Girlie Tea Party for Little Girls Who Don't Actually Drink Tea

We're fairly social with members of our church (LDS - hence the no tea), but we live pretty scattered apart from each other in New York, especially where WE in particular live.  However, there's been a recent freaky weird huge fantastic influx of little girls Shelby's age all moving into or near OUR little suburb of Cicero.  Finally!  Yay!  So, this idea started out as a playdate and kind of evolved into a somewhat major production.  Most of you know me, I'm a born party planner.  It's hard for me to stop at a mere playdate.   

Shelby was ecstatic at the idea of having a girlie party.  She's way too used to boy playdates that come over and play videogames.


For starters, we couldn't have a proper tea party without proper tea party attire (though many guests showed up in pretty dresses!), so we passed out tea party hats and then had everyone make bracelets!


Because every single guest RSVP'd YES (another yay!), I had to draft some moms into service - thank you for your help, moms!!!


Seriously, have you ever seen anything cuter than all these little girls in their hats in the sunshine?  *melts (and not from the heat)* 


We had a staff of dapperly-dressed butlers, ready to serve.  Here's social director Butler Noah, directing arriving guests to the back yard.


And this is devastatingly handsome Butler Connor: *swoons*


When my butlers weren't posing for photographs, they actually did do butler work serving our esteemed guests heart-shaped and very British jam sandwiches.


BUT, they didn't actually use their British-accented "Yes, Madame"  and "Very Good, Madame" phrases that I'd been coaching them on.  The Queen Mother (that would be me) then cut their pay (but at least it wasn't Off With Their Heads!).


And what's this??? A unauthorized butler break!??!


Yes, Butler Noah, you ARE actually wearing the evidence of your bad deed all over your face (the jam):


Cousin Kimberly from San Antonio, Texas, was visiting us for the week, so she was a guest of honor at our Tea Party, especially seeing as how SHE had never had a tea party thrown for her (as she informed her tea-party-ball-dropping mother who was cruising in the Bahamas and therefore understandably most likely could care less).  Kimberly, your childhood is now complete.  You may now graduate high school next year, finish college, and go on to become a fabulous fashion editor.  As long as you live in NYC and I can come visit you whenever I want, I'll throw you as many tea parties as you want!


The Queen Mother and Princess Shelby.  Shelby DID inform me, however, that a princess ranks higher than a Queen.  *sniffs*  Maybe in Shelbyfantasyland, you silly delusional little girl.


An unplanned and unexpected activity at our Tea Party was the appeal of our old playground set.  All of a sudden, it had new life and love (since our kids rarely use it anymore).  And, in retrospect looking at this photo, was probably dangerously close to its maximum capacity.  Eh, all's well that ends well!  Do you see Noah in there with all the girls?


SOOOO typical of Noah, our social bee - abandoning responsibility in favor of having fun and partying.  I won't mention how many blasted notes he brought home from his first grade teacher this past year because of that exact behavior.  Woe unto his future second grade teacher, I'm afraid.


We played musical chairs.  I don't really like musical chairs because I hate making kids feel like losers, but I found some iTunes Disney Princess Musical Chairs Tea Party music - yes, I'm serious, that DOES exist.  So, we played musical chairs!  And afterwards I had two little girls come up to me raving about the music.  The Disney music, anyway.  I did have Baby Einstein classical music playing the entire party to add to the ambiance, but that went unnoticed and unappreciated.  Hmmpff.  I had to endure 2 hours of listening to classical music (which I do NOT enjoy) for naught.  *sniff*


Too-cute Butler Connor cheering on the musical chair winners.


Found along with Disney Princess Musical Chairs Music was a Disney Princess dance contest song.  Score again!  But we decided not to turn it into a contest, and instead just had a super-cute little dance session.


What you didn't see in the first photo was Butler Mark leading the girls in the dancing.  O M Gee.


I was deeply saddened to find that instead of videotaping Mark doing the Tea Party dance with all the girls, that I actually did NOT.  Because that would have been, in the words of American Express, priceless.  I had footage of me carrying around the camera talking about lemon treats instead.  EPIC. FAIL. That will haunt me the rest of my days.  It's SUCH a loss for our family memories, Mark dancing to Disney Princess Tea Party dance music.  *sigh*


Another activity I'd planned was for the Butlers to give proper tours of the "grounds."


That worked for about a MINUTE before the vehicle was mobbed, Butler Connor was ousted, and the grounds tours were taken over by feisty Tea Party princesses, all wanting to go four-wheeling instead.  (Anybody watch The Walking Dead?  Yeah, it was kind of like that.) 


Butler Mark had to make several rescue trips (rescuing the plants and fences and garden, that is) from the rogue kamikaze crazy-driving princesses.


And in the end, does anything mark a successful kid activity more than this photo?  She was out for three hours.


Thank you to everyone who came and helped and participated and turned a simple playdate into a smashing Tea Party!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Wooa-ooh, halfway there, woa-ohh livin' on a prayer

Monday, July 30, marked the official half-way date of summer!!  Summer is half-over!!!  *weary woohoo*

I decided to surprise my kid gang on this momentous date by taking them to Chuck E. Cheese (after all, today is Surprise! Wednesday in my summer weekly plan).  *another weary woohoo*


You know, I remember several years ago (BC - before children) when my brother-in-law, his wife, and their three daughters from Texas came up to visit and Mark and I thought it would be so great to take them all to Chuck E. Cheese.  We'd never been before.  Well, my brother-in-law and his wife were MUCH less than enthusiastic about this plan, and I thought, "Geez, what party poopers!"

I. Was. So. Ignorantly. Arrogantly. Dumb.

AC (after children, of course), we've now had to make several trips to the hell-on-earth that is known as Chuck E. Cheese.  I even invited 2 or 3 different friends to come with me this time, and, NOT to my great surprise, I had NO takers.  I was going in alone, folks.

I'll admit, though, that to spring this surprise on my kids and see their overjoyed faces as we pulled into the parking lot was worth it.  Kind of.  Actually, not really, in retrospect, but whatever.



Shelby was all about the horses.  Of course. She spent all of her tokens on these two rides.  Over and over and over.  And then over again.  20 tokens worth. 



Upon arrival, Noah immediately wanted to run over and wave at the Chuck E Cheese mouse and say hello.  That's the sort of kid Noah is - the uber-social, party guy.  He was perplexed that Chuck E Cheese did NOT want to say hello or wave back to him.  And didn't really understand when I explained that Chuck E Cheese was actually a robot.  "Not like any robot I'VE ever seen!"


Noah soon recovered from the mouse's diss of him and spent most of his tokens on this roller coaster ride.  Over and over and over.  And then over again.  20 tokens worth. 


When the real, non-robot Chuck E. Cheese wandered over to say hello, Noah wanted nothing to do with him. Noah's not a forgiver and he has a long memory. 


When Connor was little, he LOVED the helicopter ride.  I was surprised he was still interested in it.  Autistic kid + spinning = true love that never dies. 


Of course, I had to get the notorious "Connor eye roll" when I insisted on a photo so that this fun-filled, magical trip could be documented.

After his one walk-down-memory-lane helicopter ride, Connor was then all about getting more and more tickets to cash in….for crap.  He was dismayed that he didn't have enough for the 300-ticket Slinkie and wanted to know if we could stay longer so he could earn 300 tickets.  I remembered my promise from yesterday (see Facebook) that I was NOT going to yell at my kids today.  So I squeaked out (hissed?) a barely controlled….. no.


I then especially enjoyed standing in line for 15 minutes (AS FREAKIN' ALWAYS) at the ticket trade-in counter for 8 packs of Smarties and one stupid ugly plastic ring that got lost in the parking lot on our way out.

Once the tokens were gone and tickets traded in, it was that glorious moment that all parents at Chuck E. Cheese look forward to - the MOMENT OF DEPARTURE.  And when we were back in the car, I COULD NOT BELIEVE the time.  12:10.  We were in there for 1 hour.  How in the HAYLLL does 1 hour seem like 900 hours???  Only at Chuck E. Cheese, my friends. 19 hours of NATURAL CHILDBIRTH labor moved faster then one hour in Chuck E Cheese.  Five days and nights of hospitalization in septic shock with the roommate from hell moved faster than one hour in Chuck E. Cheese.  Even WITH 17 free refills of Diet Pepsi.   


I swear Chuck E. Cheese is a freakish science-defying time-sucking warp hole.  JK Rowling was inspired to write about the Dementors (the ghouls in Harry Potter that make you feel hopeless and suck the life out of you) while at Chuck E. Cheese with her daughter.  True story!  Well, not really, but you believed it totally could have been, right??

I then looked in the back seat and saw this gleeful, angelic face on Noah reflecting on the past 900 hours, I mean, 1 hour …


And then I promised them we'd come back in October.  @^&$&^@!!

I. Am. Still. So. DUMB.