First Day of School Yadda Yadda Yadda

I know, I know, EVERYBODY is doing it, posting their photos of their kids on the first day back to school.  But hey, it's mostly on Facebook (or so I hear), HOWEVER, since I'm no longer on Facebook (I broke free!  I broke free and it's amazing!) I'll have to do it here.  And, I don't think I've EVER made a blog post about the first day of school.  And it's high time I did!

I am soooo thankful to have three little kiddos who LOVE school.  This morning as I was stalking the elementary school waiting to take photos of Noah exiting from his bus, I saw a little boy sobbing his way into school - I ached for that poor little scared fellow.  Or maybe he just had a fabulous summer and didn't want it to end.  MY kids, however, couldn't wait for school to begin.  Did they NOT have a fabulous summer!??!?  Hmmmphh!

Anyway, here's that first AWWWWWWW back to school clothes and backpacks photo.  Although technically these are all last years' clothes and backpacks, but still in excellent and quite useable condition, thank you very much.

Oh, you noticed we're in our back yard, did you?  Yup, Connor refused to have his photo taken in the front yard because he is now in middle school and very mature and evidently has a mature reputation to maintain.  Or create, I suppose.  He's already attempting to master that "guy" pose where you put your fingers underneath your biceps to make them look bigger.

I know this is a dippy and trendy and very over-used family photo pose (bums, people, REALLY?  You'll never see ME in a family photo like that!), but I did it anyway.  Pretty stale, eh?

Second-grader Noah.  Yes, with jam on his face.  AFTER he'd supposedly brushed his teeth.  You did NOT fool me, Noah, you little punky boy.

My little preschool Shellybean.  She went to preschool last year, but THIS year she was riding the bus to preschool.  *cue the beginning of the Mommy tears*

At my behest, Mark followed Connor halfway to his bus stop and hid behind a car to take this sneaky photo.  Which is why it's blurry and awful.  But Connor discovered a 7th grade boy on our street (full of girls) and was ecstatic to have a new friend.

And NO, I did not follow Connor's bus to his middle school and take sneaky photos of him.  But I did drive by and take a photo of his school, knowing he was inside it.  *sniff sniff*

Shelby (looking somewhat nervous but still determined to be in the front of the line, no surprise there) leading the way onto the bus at the bus stop.  I'm frantically trying to take a photo while not blubbering in front of all of our neighbors (to explain the blur).

Here's Noah doing a tap dance off the bus.  Or scratching his bum.  I'm not sure which.  Probably the latter.  *sigh*

And another of Noah, in the flow and catching up with his old buddy from first grade, Tristan.  Noah's my little social bee, a trait NOT inherited from either Mark or myself.  But I do so LOVE that about him, even though his happy socialness gets him in trouble.  Kind of a lot.

And now the Mommy tears were full-on flowing.  Here's Shelbywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  *pulls self together*

And this photo…. *self falls apart again*  This will be one of my most-loved Shelby photos for my whole life, I'm sure of it.  *great wailing waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*

Shelby even had to transfer buses at the elementary school, which greatly perplexed and worried and flat-out terrified me.  But look at her confidently going to her next bus, not needing me AT ALL.    Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

And now we're at the preschool.  This is where I full-on went bawling, had to put my sunglasses on and go back and sit in the car for fear of scaring all the little preschoolers with my puffy mascara-streaked face.   One of the parents asked me if I was okay and assumed it was my first child going to preschool.  "Ummmm, noooo blubber blubber blubber she's my third blubber blubber blubber but she's my baaaaaaby waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa blubber blubber"

I finally DID manage to get myself put together enough so that Mark and I could go have a celebratory breakfast at Panera Bread.

And afterward, I made Mark drive by Connor's middle school another time.  And yes, I took another photo.  I'll take what I can get of my beloved much-too-grown-up Connor.  *sigh*

FAST FORWARD ONE HOUR LATER

Shelby is home!  She came off the bus a happy little clam.

BUT Mommy was NOT happy when Shelby came home without her beautiful hair clippie from Grandma. Good thing she has 20 other pink hair clippies.

Shelby also came home on one of the most obnoxious sugar highs EVER.  Oh, cake for preschool snack RIGHT BEFORE you send 'em home?  Gee, thanks for that.  Grrrr!

It was right about here that she remembered something distressing about preschool - "I couldn't play when I got to preschool like I used to get to!  They made me SIT ON THE RUG and WAIT!!!!!"  Mark and I started to cackle at her dramatic, most awfully tragic announcement and then she shrieked, "HEY!  It's not funny!  Stop laughing!  I was MAD!!!! WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"

A little while later, Connor arrived home and gleefully announced,  "Middle school is AWESOME!!!!!!!"  Which meant MORE Mommy tears.  You see, I'd been stressing (panicking / losing sleep / horrified) about Connor going to middle school for over a year now, ever since he skipped third grade last year and I realized that would mean he'd go into fifth grade in middle school at a wee 9 years old. DARN that kid for being so smart and for growing up so darn fast.  He's in BIG trouble for that.  *waaaaahhhhh* 

And finally, Noah arrived home, happily announcing, "Guess what?!?  I only got in trouble ONE TIME!"  Ummm, that's SUPER, Noah.  Off to a great start!  Ugh!  Looks like second grade may be a repeat of first grade, where I daily dreaded opening up Noah's binder to find what new trouble he had gotten himself into.  Upon finding out he was in trouble for talking (no surprises there) to his new buddy Jacob, we moved his name tag to a more appropriate place.  In school (long long ago), I was a quiet, model student, as was Mark (even longer ago), and I never dreamed that *I* would have THAT kid, the noisy problem child that always gets in trouble.  Where DID Noah come from???  And what the heck do we with DO with him!??!

We had a family dinner at Chili's to celebrate a successful and happy first day of school for all, where the waitresses were amazed that we could devour a Molten Chocolate Lava Cake in 90 seconds flat (look at all those hands and spoons and forks in there!).  Uhhhmmmmm, yeah, we're kind of amazing like that.  Thanks, I think.

Drama, much?

Noah, my 7 year old drama prince, has a flair for the dramatic.  Yesterday he came moaning and crawling into my office, clutching his beloved Angry Bird, who evidently made the long and arduous journey from the living room with him.

Noah claimed that he couldn't walk because of weakness caused by hunger, hence the crawling.  And he desperately needed Doritos Taco Chips to survive.

When I told him that he'd have to make do with an apple, Noah and his Angry Bird crawled a few more inches and collapsed, all in very dramatic fashion, of course.  By the way, and I know it's hard to spot on my wild rug, but the green octopus thing is a smelly dog toy.  Having my nose 1 inch away from that would revive me right away, but I guess Noah's situation really was dire.

No, Noah, it is NOT considered child abuse to give you an apple rather than Taco chips.  Yes, I realize I will not win Mommy of the Year.  I'll live.  And so will you.  *rolls eyes*

The Little Girlie Tea Party for Little Girls Who Don't Actually Drink Tea

We're fairly social with members of our church (LDS - hence the no tea), but we live pretty scattered apart from each other in New York, especially where WE in particular live.  However, there's been a recent freaky weird huge fantastic influx of little girls Shelby's age all moving into or near OUR little suburb of Cicero.  Finally!  Yay!  So, this idea started out as a playdate and kind of evolved into a somewhat major production.  Most of you know me, I'm a born party planner.  It's hard for me to stop at a mere playdate.   

Shelby was ecstatic at the idea of having a girlie party.  She's way too used to boy playdates that come over and play videogames.

For starters, we couldn't have a proper tea party without proper tea party attire (though many guests showed up in pretty dresses!), so we passed out tea party hats and then had everyone make bracelets!

Because every single guest RSVP'd YES (another yay!), I had to draft some moms into service - thank you for your help, moms!!!

Seriously, have you ever seen anything cuter than all these little girls in their hats in the sunshine?  *melts (and not from the heat)* 

We had a staff of dapperly-dressed butlers, ready to serve.  Here's social director Butler Noah, directing arriving guests to the back yard.

And this is devastatingly handsome Butler Connor: *swoons*

When my butlers weren't posing for photographs, they actually did do butler work serving our esteemed guests heart-shaped and very British jam sandwiches.

BUT, they didn't actually use their British-accented "Yes, Madame"  and "Very Good, Madame" phrases that I'd been coaching them on.  The Queen Mother (that would be me) then cut their pay (but at least it wasn't Off With Their Heads!).

And what's this??? A unauthorized butler break!??!

Yes, Butler Noah, you ARE actually wearing the evidence of your bad deed all over your face (the jam):

Cousin Kimberly from San Antonio, Texas, was visiting us for the week, so she was a guest of honor at our Tea Party, especially seeing as how SHE had never had a tea party thrown for her (as she informed her tea-party-ball-dropping mother who was cruising in the Bahamas and therefore understandably most likely could care less).  Kimberly, your childhood is now complete.  You may now graduate high school next year, finish college, and go on to become a fabulous fashion editor.  As long as you live in NYC and I can come visit you whenever I want, I'll throw you as many tea parties as you want!

The Queen Mother and Princess Shelby.  Shelby DID inform me, however, that a princess ranks higher than a Queen.  *sniffs*  Maybe in Shelbyfantasyland, you silly delusional little girl.

An unplanned and unexpected activity at our Tea Party was the appeal of our old playground set.  All of a sudden, it had new life and love (since our kids rarely use it anymore).  And, in retrospect looking at this photo, was probably dangerously close to its maximum capacity.  Eh, all's well that ends well!  Do you see Noah in there with all the girls?

SOOOO typical of Noah, our social bee - abandoning responsibility in favor of having fun and partying.  I won't mention how many blasted notes he brought home from his first grade teacher this past year because of that exact behavior.  Woe unto his future second grade teacher, I'm afraid.

We played musical chairs.  I don't really like musical chairs because I hate making kids feel like losers, but I found some iTunes Disney Princess Musical Chairs Tea Party music - yes, I'm serious, that DOES exist.  So, we played musical chairs!  And afterwards I had two little girls come up to me raving about the music.  The Disney music, anyway.  I did have Baby Einstein classical music playing the entire party to add to the ambiance, but that went unnoticed and unappreciated.  Hmmpff.  I had to endure 2 hours of listening to classical music (which I do NOT enjoy) for naught.  *sniff*

Too-cute Butler Connor cheering on the musical chair winners.

Found along with Disney Princess Musical Chairs Music was a Disney Princess dance contest song.  Score again!  But we decided not to turn it into a contest, and instead just had a super-cute little dance session.

What you didn't see in the first photo was Butler Mark leading the girls in the dancing.  O M Gee.

I was deeply saddened to find that instead of videotaping Mark doing the Tea Party dance with all the girls, that I actually did NOT.  Because that would have been, in the words of American Express, priceless.  I had footage of me carrying around the camera talking about lemon treats instead.  EPIC. FAIL. That will haunt me the rest of my days.  It's SUCH a loss for our family memories, Mark dancing to Disney Princess Tea Party dance music.  *sigh*

Another activity I'd planned was for the Butlers to give proper tours of the "grounds."

That worked for about a MINUTE before the vehicle was mobbed, Butler Connor was ousted, and the grounds tours were taken over by feisty Tea Party princesses, all wanting to go four-wheeling instead.  (Anybody watch The Walking Dead?  Yeah, it was kind of like that.) 

Butler Mark had to make several rescue trips (rescuing the plants and fences and garden, that is) from the rogue kamikaze crazy-driving princesses.

And in the end, does anything mark a successful kid activity more than this photo?  She was out for three hours.

Thank you to everyone who came and helped and participated and turned a simple playdate into a smashing Tea Party!

Wooa-ooh, halfway there, woa-ohh livin' on a prayer

Monday, July 30, marked the official half-way date of summer!!  Summer is half-over!!!  *weary woohoo*

I decided to surprise my kid gang on this momentous date by taking them to Chuck E. Cheese (after all, today is Surprise! Wednesday in my summer weekly plan).  *another weary woohoo*

You know, I remember several years ago (BC - before children) when my brother-in-law, his wife, and their three daughters from Texas came up to visit and Mark and I thought it would be so great to take them all to Chuck E. Cheese.  We'd never been before.  Well, my brother-in-law and his wife were MUCH less than enthusiastic about this plan, and I thought, "Geez, what party poopers!"

I. Was. So. Ignorantly. Arrogantly. Dumb.

AC (after children, of course), we've now had to make several trips to the hell-on-earth that is known as Chuck E. Cheese.  I even invited 2 or 3 different friends to come with me this time, and, NOT to my great surprise, I had NO takers.  I was going in alone, folks.

I'll admit, though, that to spring this surprise on my kids and see their overjoyed faces as we pulled into the parking lot was worth it.  Kind of.  Actually, not really, in retrospect, but whatever.

Shelby was all about the horses.  Of course. She spent all of her tokens on these two rides.  Over and over and over.  And then over again.  20 tokens worth. 

Upon arrival, Noah immediately wanted to run over and wave at the Chuck E Cheese mouse and say hello.  That's the sort of kid Noah is - the uber-social, party guy.  He was perplexed that Chuck E Cheese did NOT want to say hello or wave back to him.  And didn't really understand when I explained that Chuck E Cheese was actually a robot.  "Not like any robot I'VE ever seen!"

Noah soon recovered from the mouse's diss of him and spent most of his tokens on this roller coaster ride.  Over and over and over.  And then over again.  20 tokens worth. 

When the real, non-robot Chuck E. Cheese wandered over to say hello, Noah wanted nothing to do with him. Noah's not a forgiver and he has a long memory. 

When Connor was little, he LOVED the helicopter ride.  I was surprised he was still interested in it.  Autistic kid + spinning = true love that never dies. 

Of course, I had to get the notorious "Connor eye roll" when I insisted on a photo so that this fun-filled, magical trip could be documented.

After his one walk-down-memory-lane helicopter ride, Connor was then all about getting more and more tickets to cash in….for crap.  He was dismayed that he didn't have enough for the 300-ticket Slinkie and wanted to know if we could stay longer so he could earn 300 tickets.  I remembered my promise from yesterday (see Facebook) that I was NOT going to yell at my kids today.  So I squeaked out (hissed?) a barely controlled….. no.

I then especially enjoyed standing in line for 15 minutes (AS FREAKIN' ALWAYS) at the ticket trade-in counter for 8 packs of Smarties and one stupid ugly plastic ring that got lost in the parking lot on our way out.

Once the tokens were gone and tickets traded in, it was that glorious moment that all parents at Chuck E. Cheese look forward to - the MOMENT OF DEPARTURE.  And when we were back in the car, I COULD NOT BELIEVE the time.  12:10.  We were in there for 1 hour.  How in the HAYLLL does 1 hour seem like 900 hours???  Only at Chuck E. Cheese, my friends. 19 hours of NATURAL CHILDBIRTH labor moved faster then one hour in Chuck E Cheese.  Five days and nights of hospitalization in septic shock with the roommate from hell moved faster than one hour in Chuck E. Cheese.  Even WITH 17 free refills of Diet Pepsi.   

I swear Chuck E. Cheese is a freakish science-defying time-sucking warp hole.  JK Rowling was inspired to write about the Dementors (the ghouls in Harry Potter that make you feel hopeless and suck the life out of you) while at Chuck E. Cheese with her daughter.  True story!  Well, not really, but you believed it totally could have been, right??

I then looked in the back seat and saw this gleeful, angelic face on Noah reflecting on the past 900 hours, I mean, 1 hour …

And then I promised them we'd come back in October.  @^&$&^@!!

I. Am. Still. So. DUMB.