Christmas in 5 Long & Wordy Acts: ACT ONE

Ritchie Christmas 2012 Act 1: Random Unplanned Getaway Surprise Trip 

…because there's plenty of time and money for that right before Christmas, right?

So, we went to Rochester for a weekend.  Now, Rochester may not scream "woohoo great fun can't wait to go" to the uninformed, but it actually does have some fun family stuff.  Yes, I'm serious.  And it's close by.  And (here's the truth now) cheaper than Hawaii.  Anyway, we were going to go over Christmas vacation when school was out, but figured there'd be lots of crowds (yes, because people flock to Rochester for Christmas fun.  well, not really).  We called the kids in sick to school and surprised 'em with the trip randomly, out of the blue, on what would have otherwise been a boring plain old Friday.  Woohoo!

Rochester has a fantastic children's Museum of Play, a definite kid favorite.  But upon arrival, Mark insisted that I should just drop them off and go shopping by myself for the day.  "Oh no, I'd much rather spend the day at a kids museum than shopping".... replied Estelle NEVER.  I was jumping for joy higher than they were.  Seeeeeeee ya!

Mark remembered to take a few photos at the Museum of Play.  As expected, Shelby loved the Dora & Diego exhibit.

But wait, what's this?  Two boys who think they're MUCH too cool to watch Dora or Diego anymore, playing with the Pirate Piggies???  Bwa ha ha!! 

So, shopping for me!  And guess what?  Rochester now has a Trader Joes!  But it does not look HALF as nice as the southern California (where we first discovered TJs) Trader Joes surrounded by palm trees and bougainvilleas.  This is a sad, gloomy little photo, compared to my blissful memories of past Trader Joes in my life.  *sigh*

And here's my sad little TJ shopping cart.  I couldn't buy any of their fresh yummy (and cheap) produce because we were staying in a hotel that evening.  But I HAD to get SOMEthing!  So, I got TJ cheerios, cookies, and curry sauce.  How's that for a good-sounding combo?  But I was still excited just to be there.  Kind of.

Rochester has one of my favorite stores, Craft Company No 6!   Lots of Christmas fun was had here!  By me.  ALONE with no kids.   Of course, being ANYwhere alone with no kids is fabulous nowadays, but shopping is extra EXTRA fabulous.  The next day on our way out of Rochester, I begged Mark to stop and turn around so I could shop JUST A LITTLE more here at my oh-so-happy place.   "Just one more thing.  Or two.  Or maybe three.  Or $173 worth..."

After my glorious shopping alone day, I was in a good enough mood that the boys were able to talk me into taking a spin with them on the Museum of Play's carousel when I arrived early to pick everyone up.  But first, I had to photograph them in this tub - look at the words, "The Lovers Tub."  CRACKS. ME. UP.  Because they're sort of anything BUT, if you know what I mean.  And especially because they pick it every time we go there and they've still never noticed the words on the side.  Goofballs.

Here's happy little No in mid-spin.

Here's not-so-happy me in mid-spin.  But seriously, I'm getting too old for this shi….I mean shtuff.

While waiting for Mark to bring the car up since it was raining, I thought I'd try and sneak in some potential Christmas card family photos.  In this one, Shelby was cut out entirely.

And in this one, we lost Noah (but Shelby popped up), and we gained a closeup of my lovely double chin and of Connor's equally lovely boogies.  Marvelous.  So much for our Christmas card photos.  Oh well, I tried.

What else does Rochester have?  It has a Longhorn Steakhouse!  Here's Shelby doing a hands-up "Oh yeah!  Oh yeah!" there.  And here's Noah ... well, here's Noah with food stuck on his teeth.  Kinda makes you want to get in your car right now and drive over there, doesn't it?

We stayed overnight in a hotel advertising an indoor water-park, and thought we'd gotten ourselves quite a bargain.  But NO, it was a creepy little hotel and we had to pay an extra FIFTY BUCKS for the water park!!!  Look at this creepy hallway - Connor and Noah (oblivious to the creepiness) ran ahead and they reminded me of the creepy hotel scene from The Shining with the 2 creepy kids.  Did I just say my kids were creepy?  Well, I DO wish they had higher hotel standards…

Anyway, we were captive there at the hotel and we'd stupidly hyped it up ahead of time before our arrival to the kids, so we had no choice but to pay the stinkin' 50 bucks.  And THEN Mark and I had to pay another $15 for the privilege of sitting there watching them for hours.  How happy do I look about that?  Bah humbug.

But speaking of happy - we had the pool and stuff all to ourselves (because, like in The Shining, the hotel was creepily deserted) and the kids had a grand time.  Still not worth $65 bucks. *grumble grumble*

I know, I know, Shelby really needs a new swimsuit, but I just get too much joy from seeing her swimsuit wedgies.

Here's Shelby performing water aerobics or something (look in the background), while I read my magazine and realize that this pedicure color really doesn't look good on my chubby toes.

Fortunately, the swimming knocked 'em out enough that we could make them sleep in the horrid hide-a-bed couch-thing without having to bribe them.  Yesssss!

The next day, we discovered that Rochester has a pretty great children's science museum!

The kids can literally climb the walls.  I wonder what it would cost to get one of these installed in my living room?!?

Here they are digging for dinosaur bones.  Noah dug for about….oh, FIVE SECONDS before proclaiming, "This is hard work!" and quit.  Mark and I fear nearly every day he's going to be living with us when he's 30, playing video games in his underwear and scratching himself a lot.

To be honest, museums aren't my thing and I get bored (and subsequently obnoxious) VERY quickly.  I'm just not a why or how person.  I'm an it-is-what-it-is-so-just-deal-with-it-dammit person.  I entertained myself by taking random photos like this one, and then told Connor the mammoth skeleton bum was going to rain poop on him if he didn't hurry up and finish digging up the @#^&#!& dinosaur bones. 

I do a pretty good job on this blog of documenting exactly WHY my kids will never nominate me for Mother of the Year, don't I?

And speaking of that nomination, Connor discovered he liked sitting (as opposed to standing) on the vibrating earthquake-shaking-machine-thing.  Ummm.  This fact will probably greatly embarrass you in a few years, Connor.  And yes, I will remind you of it then.  In front of your prom date.

In the Knex building area, I, being how I fabulously am (extremely left-brained and orderly), neatly constructed a teepee-thing precisely according the rules and diagram. 

Noah, however, constructed a self-designed prison for his fingers with a finger-chopping block.  I honestly don't know where this kid came from.  Noah's not even REMOTELY like Mark or me (though we do think he has a lot of his Grandpa Davis' mischievousness and contrariness).  But I guess that's what makes Noah endlessly entertaining to us!

ARGGGG!  Hello rolling and spinning balls and tracks, meet my autistic son Connor who is now going to insist on playing with you ALL BLASTED AFTERNOON (look at his grin).

I, being bored again, told Shelby I'd pay her $1.00 to carry my handbag around.  And it WAS somewhat entertaining watching her, given that it weighs probably twice as much as she does.  And I never did pay her the dollar, so it was definitely a bargain as far as cheap entertainment (child labor?) goes.

Shelby's favorite activity at this museum was this dam-building sand thing.  We have sand and buckets at home that she could do the EXACT SAME PLAY with, but noooooo, why do it at home when she can do it somewhere else that her parents have TO PAY for her to do it, am I right?

Noah thought Sue the T-Rex, the special $14 million dollar exhibit on loan from Chicago, was fabulous.  I have about 20 photos of him posing in various ways with Sue.  I'll only post two.  You can thank me later (like next week when you're doing reading all of my Christmas Acts). 

This is Connor's expected eye-rolling response to Sue the $14 million dollar T-Rex.  No respect, I tell ya!

My usually-much-braver-than-her-big-brothers little Shelby was terrified of Sue:

But I did catch her a while later brave enough to to look through this dinosaur head and thought it was absolutely hysterical.  Because I'm sure all fashion-forward dinos wore flowers and sparkly light-up shoes.

And of course we can't leave any kids attraction without buying a toy.  Shelby, despite being terrified of Sue the T-Rex, naturally picked out…wait for it….a T-Rex.  And naturally, named it "Baby T-Rex Baby Loves."

Noah, naturally, picked out a hand-grabber thing and dubbed it his "great nose-picking machine."  And naturally, it was broken 5 minutes later.  I guess his boogies were fighters...

We went back to Longhorn Steakhouse again, too!  Yup, it's that good.  No food photos for you (too busy snarfing it down), but I do have one of Noah demonstrating his newest invention, the "fry saber."

On the way out of Rochester, we stopped at this cool bench in the artsy district (near my beloved Craft Co 6) and managed to get a few pretty decent family photos.  Too bad I totally forgot we had these photos when I did our Christmas cards and used a summer one of kids in swimsuits instead.  Christmas card fail.  But hey!  Since the Mayans were wrong about the world ending last week, maybe I'll use it for our 2013 card.

The Night Before Christmas...

And all were NOT sleeping!

A few years ago, I heard of a tradition taking your kids photos while they slept, the night before Christmas.  I loved the idea, and have done it ever since.

As I went into Connor's room to get my Christmas 2012 shot, THIS is what I found!  One very bad little cat!!  Fortunately for Fluffernutter, Connor is one of those deep sleepers that would need something a lot more obnoxious than a cat crawling on your head to wake up.

Anyway, here's Connor.  He looks so little, doesn't he?  I can almost still see his little 3-year old face before he turned into this big giant middle school kid who is 100x smarter than I am and refuses to wear Christmas pajamas any longer.   *sigh*  *sniff*  Awww, and look at his little hands folded!  Connor's such a proper, tidy sleeper.  Very unlike his brother and sister...

...but here's Noah in a surprisingly "normal" position. Usually he's flailed all over the place with his stomach out and hands "keeping warm" down his pants.  But look, he has a little smile!  Despite knowing we're having a "screen-free" Christmas, meaning NO NEW VIDEO GAMES, he's still a happy little No, excited for Christmas (assuming his huge Domo creature doesn't make a midnight snack out of him - doesn't it look like that thing is about to pounce??).

Here we go, this is classic, always ladylike (not!) Shelby - sideways with a zillion stuffed animals.  THIS, my dear Shelby, is why no one ever wants to do sleepovers with you!  Your 100+ horse/dinosaur/dragon posse and your sleeping acrobatics have actually been proven to wake the dead (meaning Connor!).

Heartwarmed.

So, we hosted our first annual "Ritchie Family Heartwarming Hot Chocolate Open House" this past weekend for our friends from church.  We'd talked about reviving our New Years parties from many years past but that seemed too overwhelming, and something like a Christmasy open house seemed much easier.  That's what we thought, anyway...

We put the kids to work with the preparations.  Here's Noah smashing candy canes for the hot chocolate toppings bar, entertaining himself by shouting, "I'll show YOU, candy cane!"

Noah and Shelby were also in charge of the grapes dipped in caramel.  And they actually did make more than they ate!

Anyway, we thought, oh, it will be nice to have a couple of friends drop in for a cup of hot chocolate and chat a bit, then move on, while a few more dropped by.  You know, a nice and peaceful and casual evening.

But ummmmmmm, as Shelby stated, "I think everyone on all the Earth who wasn't sick came to our party!"

We were overwhelmed by just how many of our local friends came by!  And you all came pretty much all at the same time, within about 20 minutes of the start time.  And then, ummmmmmmm, you didn't really leave after just a little while and one cup of hot chocolate.  But like I said, overwhelmed in a great way!

This was just the beginning…. and these are the only photos I had because after that I couldn't even get to my camera on the kitchen counter!

And sorry to those who couldn't find parking on our street (!), and sorry to anyone in addition to the Blanches who actually TRIED to leave after a while but couldn't because they couldn't get back to our front door.  Sorry, but that cracks me up.  In a good way!  I'm glad you stayed longer, Amy!

Love this photo of Kent (left) hanging with the kid crowd watching The Polar Express.  And now that I think about it, that is the EXACT spot where we found hot chocolate spilled on the carpet …. Hmmmm.

Rosie brought us a blinged out Christmas disco ball, knowing we were disco ball aficionados (after seeing one hanging in our car).  Fabulouso!  I hung that right up to add to the festivities going on at the stove with Mark, the hot chocolate brewer.

We also collected over 50 homemade snowflakes to send to the new school the Sandy Hook CT students will begin attending in January.  We have amazingly talented snowflake-making friends!

We bought 3 big ole' cans of hot chocolate mix and EIGHTY cups!  I thought we'd have oodles of extra stuff.  But nope, when the last guests left, we had ONE cup left.  We used up 79 cups????  I do feel horribly guilty about all that styrofoam in the landfills.  79!  Eeeep!  But there wasn't even enough hot chocolate left to fill that last cup anyway!

And thank you to those guests who brought food even though I told everyone not to worry about that.  Because we ran out of food at about 40 minutes.  Crikeys!  And I consider myself a pretty decent party planner.  FAIL on that one, Estelle!  But you all stuck around anyway!

We let visiting kids go play upstairs and evidently a second party was going on in Shelby's room, unbeknownst to all of us.  When Shelby discovered the state her room was left in, she, in all her fussiness, exclaimed, "My room is a wreck!  I just can't live like this!"  Drama much, little girl??

Some of you worried about our cleanup afterwards, but you didn't know that we had our own free in-house cleaning crew, Tiki & Wolfie. They are quite excellent and I highly recommend them.

While the cleanup crew worked, Mark and I had time to get a late night dinner at Taco Bell, come home and put our feet up and watch the finale of Next Iron Chef.

This is a great time of year, and we are blessed to have great friends.  Thank you one and all for coming out and visiting with us.  

See you next year!  :)

12/12/12 Commemorated! For, Like, The Next 15 Years...

So, it was about noon today, 12:00pm on 12/12/12, that I remembered - TODAY IS AN EPICALLY AWESOME and once-in-a-lifetime date!  I HAD to do something!!

I immediately called Mark at work to let him know of this critical emergency situation, and as I was talking to him and Googling "cool stuff to do on 12/12/12" I realized that at the KEY TIME on this date - 12:12 on 12/12/12 - we were talking about what to DO on 12/12/12.  Drat!  But we still had time to do SOMETHING even if we missed the magic hour and minute....

Buy 12 things for each kid?  Too expensive.  And darnit, our kids are already so spoiled that we've instituted a "no-screen" and 4-present limit this Christmas (and only one of those four is a "fun" present - yes, we're very scroogey parents this year, determined to reform our whiny whitebread suburban kids).

Give the kids each 12 bucks and take 'em on a shopping spree at the Dollar Store?  Possibly, but it'd just be buying cheapo lame-o toys that'd be broken and thrown away on 12/13/12.

Bake them 12 cookies each?  Ummmm, heck no.  Terrible idea. Too much sugar in late afternoon.  I know some charitable-minded people were baking 3 sets of a dozen cookies to give away to 3 families, but let's be real - 3 dozen cookies ain't leavin' my house (or hips) alive.

WHAT TO DO !  WHAT TO DO!!   Eeeeeeeeek....

And then I had a flash of inspiration!  Wouldn't it be fabulous to get a new pet and then name it Twelve?  YES! And then we'd have a long-term, commemorative reminder of 12/12/12 instead of just a one-day thing.  Brilliant, I yam!

Mark then (very lamely) suggested 12 new fish.  But every time we get new fish they get eaten by Hoover (a gigantic black so-ugly-he's-not-even-remotely-cute pleckosomething...) .  Which Mark knows.  Which is why he suggested that.  How rotten is that!

My entire life I've had little raggedy white hairy dogs.  My beloved Bichon, Casey, who we had for 15 years, passed away about 3 years ago and I've missed Casey himself of course, but also missed just having a little white hairy dog in my life.

My Caseylein

From time to time I scour Craigslist or the SPCA website or Bichon Rescue groups to see if there's a little Bichon that needs a home.  I'm totally against buying pets because there are just too many mixed breeds (that are WONDERFUL) that need homes.  Anyway, another little raggedy white hairy dog just never showed up.  Sadness continued to haunt my footsteps...

Okay, but seriously, I would send Mark photos of cute little white dogs from time to time, or put them on his desk, and every time I'd see one on the street I'd shriek and beg him to steal it from the owner for me. (I won't buy a purebred but I have no qualms about stealing one.)

While I was Googling hairy white dogs as fast as I could, Mark spotted a little teeny ad for a little teeny Maltese Bichon puppy!  The owner texted me this photo (an Amish couple that texts - who knew?), and look at the photo title - 12/12/12/14:12!  Coolness! 

After that photo, I was hurrying out of my pajamas, Mark was leaving work early, we were picking up kids early from school, throwing together towels and leashes and collars and driving an hour out to Waterloo to pick up MY NEW PRECIOUS!  I know, I know, I was supposed to do something for 12/12/12 for my kid gang, but hey, they were happy to get to play their DSs mid-week (DS videogame time is typically only on Friday nights) and eat potato chips on the drive, and that was commemoration enough for them.

So, introducing...... Wolfgang Ritchie!  Wolfie for short.  Derived from the German word for twelve which is "zwölf."  Yeah yeah, it's a stretch, but it works!  And I know that when you read above that I was going to name a pet Twelve, you thought that was dumb, right?!?  And it kinda was.  Wolfgang is much cooler.

Wolfie looks like a mini-Casey, grubby mouth and all.

And technically, we did have a "pet opening."  A few months ago, we had to put Chili (another 15-year pet for us) to sleep.  Sadly, Chili was old and ornery and never did like Tiki, our 2-year old lonely lab.

Chili.  Ornery but awesomely so.  Animals with attitudes are the BEST!

So of course, Tiki is OVERJOYED.  She believes that Wolfie is HER Precious. 

Finally, here's the sun setting on 12/12/12 with me and my little Wolfgang Wolfie Zwolfie.  12/12/12 commemorated in the nick of time!  Whew! 

A Christmas Tale That Tells Itself

This blog entry will be my least-wordy ever.   (HEY! I don't want to hear you clapping or cheering!!)

All you need to know is:

1)  I caved and bought an Elf on the Shelf (click here for blog post documenting that)

2) We named our elf Reaper.  (Yes, that was MY idea.  Teehee.  And because the kids seconded my nomination for this name, I'm pretty sure they don't know the meaning behind it.  Teehee.)

Now just view the photos and watch the story unfold...

Noah is absolutely terrified of Reaper.  Which means, IT'S WORKING!!!!!!  WOOHOO!!!!!

Spending Money Wisely

Spending money for a nice lunch out is always a wise choice!  UNLESS you spend it on Mexican food in New York.  Then it's always a surefire waste of money.  And yet I keep doing it, stupidly thinking that SOMEDAY it will get better.  Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice .....or 10 billion times, well what can I say?  I'm an idiot, but still a hopeful idiot.  Ay yi yi.

Anyway, here we are at lunch at bland & mediocre Cantina Laredo, sans Noah and Connor, who were stuck at school.  Yesssss!  We like to sneak away for lunch without 'em because it's a) cheaper (especially since Connor now thinks he's too manly to order from kids menus), b) MUCH quieter and MORE peaceful and c) we can sit in a booth.

To maintain this peace & quiet, I bribed Shelby with the promise of a Snickers bar to sit next to Daddy and play Tic Tac Toe with him.

They had a good time, and so did I, NOT having to play Tic Tac Toe with Shelby who CHEATS shamelessly.

After lunch, we decided to walk around a little, and then Shelby spotted Santa Claus.  ERG!  Now, we have never ever had our kids photographed with Santa.  I just think it's weird and creepy and we don't really even focus on Santa at Christmas.  I mean, my parents never took ME to get photographed sitting on Santa's lap, and look how I turned out?  I'm a glorious, productive member of society, right?!?  Though, you would think with my penchant for terrorizing my kids, I would LIKE this sitting-on-Santa practice......hmmmm....

And besides!, Connor never bought into the whole Santa thing and he's continually told Noah since Noah's birth that Santa was a fake.  As a matter of fact, a few weeks ago I found Noah crying in his bed, and I soon found out that EVIL BIG BROTHER Connor informed his sweet trusting little brother by way of a lovely, charming little bedtime story (NOT!) that there wasn't going to BE a Christmas this year because of the Mayan end of the world prediction for December 21.  Uggh!  CONNOR!

Anyway, Santa sorta slipped off our radar over the years, but Shelby still recognized him and immediately began shrieking, never having before seen Santa IN REAL LIFE.    So, we ventured over and I was thinking "Awwww, maybe we should finally do it, this whole creepy Santa's lap thing" and then I saw that they wanted $30 FOR THE STARTER PHOTO PACKAGE!  That's even more than they charge at theme parks for those photos of you at your horrible screaming best, and at least those document a (presumably) GOOD memory!

$30!!!!  For a creepy photo!  AY YI FREAKIN' YI.  That would NOT be money spent wisely.

Here's Mark dragging Shelby away from Santa.  She didn't take the turn of events well.

Mark then got the bright idea to go up to the second level where Shelby could look down and get a better look at Santa but without having to be assaulted by Santa's super-pushy sales squad.  And I cheerfully told her, "Shelby!  We can still take your photo with Santa!  Stand still!"

I doctored up that lovely, high-quality cell phone photo with a corny holiday frame and viola!  Pretty much the same thing for free!  *pats thrifty self on back*

Shelby refused to lose sight of Santa, constantly yelling down to him despite the fact that he only had attention for the PAYING customers.  She refused to leave and kept hiding behind this enormous plant-tree-thing.

We finally got her out of the mall and the waterworks stopped when I reminded her of the Snickers bar waiting in the car for her.  Now THAT was $2 wisely spent!

And since I didn't waste $30 on a disturbing Santa picture, I decided to make what I'm sure will turn out to be a VERY wise investment with that $30- an Elf on the Shelf!  I am NOT above using scare tactics (like a creepy plastic elf) to get my kids to start behaving better and parents SWEAR that this thing really works!  After some internet research, I found zillions of clever ideas to introduce Elf on the Shelf to your family, including elaborate family parties and red carpet events.  Pffffft.  I decided to go for the simpler, more direct route, you know, to let my kids know that this was SERIOUS. 

Here's a closeup of my investment.  This little scene will be their introduction to Elf on the Shelf tomorrow morning.  Merry Christmas, gang.  *heh heh heh*  Let the games begin...