Noah's 4th Birthday!....BUST (aka "A Parable Learned")

April 6 was Noah's 4th birthday! Yay and woohoo, right? I was soooo excited for this day. Let's see the progression from okay, then bad....and streaking on to worse (those of you who read my blog entry about Shelby's birthday in January are going to start wondering about my birthday planning skills - still want me to plan your 30th, Amy?!?).

Firs thing on Noah's 4th birthday, Noah makes an astonishing and very dismaying discovery (to him)...he has freckles!!! In the morning, he looks in my makeup mirror (up close and with full sunlight), and shrieks, "MOMMY! I HAVE POLKA DOTS ON MY FACE!!!!!" I nearly stab myself in the eye with my mascara, his shriek was so loud. And then my mascara was running anyway because I'm laughing so hard.

Click to see Noah's polka dots up close

On to the birthday party - once again, we didn't manage our time well enough to make the car cake that Noah wanted. So, the day before his birthday, we take him to Wegmans and let him choose his birthday cake. He chooses an orange-frosting-ed heart Easter cake. It goes smashingly with the grown-up racecar-themed tablecloth, plates, napkins, etc., that I'd already purchased (2 months earlier, believe it or not!). Oh well. HOWEVER, Connor wakes up sick and throwing up the previous night (as did I), so that was a damper on the party. But at least, at this point, Noah is happy! He likes all of his small presents and is excited at the thought of "The Big One" coming later in the day.

Happy times that won't be here again...

Our next plan is for our family to go see the new kids' movie, Monsters Vs. Aliens. But with Connor being sick, half of us have to stay home. Unfortunately, Noah chooses lucky Mommy to take him to the movie. Bad Mommy Confession Time: I HATE kids movies.

So, we go to the theater, plunk down $22 for the 3-D experience of Monsters Vs. Aliens (which Noah assured me he wanted), and another $20 or so for snacks. I manage to carry everything (Noah cannot assist me because he has his hands full with his new 5-inch triceratops friend that was a birthday gift from Connor, "Topsy") and we get situated. Because we don't see many movies (3 kids, remember?), darnit if I'm not going all out and getting popcorn, a HUGE Diet Coke, and Raisinettes for me. Plus my handbag, Noah's coat, my coat, and Noah's movie happy meal. So yeah, I'm carrying a LOT. We DO have time to take a cute picture of us wearing our groovy 3-D glasses.

Yes, we make 3-D look gooood

HOWEVER, Noah then decides he hates the glasses and refuses to wear them. I know that 3-D movies are blurry if you don't wear the glasses, but DARNIT, I am NOT moving all of us and our junk food and general crap into another movie theatre. Or if I have to, I'm making Noah see Fast & Furious (in retrospect, I should have done EXACTLY this - fast, noisy cars for Noah and yummy Vin Diesel for me, and this whoooole day would have been so much better). Anyway, I make Noah stay. And I have to pick up !@$%!$@ Topsy from the gross movie theatre floor at least a half dozen times, groping around in the dark.

Twenty minutes into the movie Noah starts standing up and complaining (loudly) that he wants to leave. I finally put down my popcorn & Diet Coke and hold Noah on my lap, hoping that he'll let me put the glasses on him and he'll enjoy the movie more. We make it another 20 minutes (Noah still sans glasses, however) before he starts yelping about leaving again. I give up, take 10 minutes to get UN-situated (though I am keeping my mostly uneaten popcorn and 75% remaining Diet Coke, even though I have to cart them throughout the whole mall with me). At least Noah has fun riding the Carousel!


Upon arriving home, we've saved Noah's BIG present for last. I've wanted to get the boys a big driving car for years now, and I finally talked Mark into getting one for Noah. He's obsessed with anything on wheels, and every time we go to Toys R Us the boys love to sit and play in every single car (even the Barbie ones). And usually we get nice, expensive gifts for Connor, and cheap out a little bit for Noah because he's so easily satisfied. But this year, I was determined to go all out for Noah. We even had to borrow the Lentz' Suburban and trailer to go pick it up (I ADORE my 40th birthday BMW X5 and it drives like a dream, but honestly, it's the most useless SUV ever invented).

So, I hide in the garage and Mark leads Noah out to the garage to lay eyes on the HUGE-BIGGER-THAN-YOU-PRESENT that we've been teasing Noah about all day. I'm hiding because I want to get that photo when he first sees it, that magical moment when he realizes he has the most FABULOUS gift in all of Ritchie family history! Here's how that turned out:

I know, right!??!?!?

He stares at it, then moves as far away as he can from it (again holding Topsy the Triceratops). He cries, "I don't like that car! I want this car!" and goes to stand by our SUV.

The standoff begins

In the interest of preserving these treasured family memories, I make Mark force Noah to sit in the car because I'm sure he'll love it once he sits in it. Well, he SCREAMS at the top of his lungs the entire time, clutching Topsy for dear life. We then put Connor in the driver's seat to drive Noah around. As Connor drives around the front yard, Noah screams even louder. I'm sure the neighbors thought we were torturing him. Noah shrieks, "It's too fast! My dinosaur is scared! WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

Why did all 3 of my kid birthdays this year end up with them crying!??!

Another gift Noah actually did like was his new Peter Pirate Pop Up jack-in-the-box toy. So does Shelby. So does Connor. After the cute photo below, all 3 of them fought over it all day long.

The obnoxious Peter Pirate Pop Up
(Hint: Start humming the tune to Pop Goes the Weasel.
Ha ha! Now it'll be stuck in your head, too! I shouldn't have to suffer alone, should I?

We aren't going out to our family dinner at Bonefish Grill (Noah's choice, despite Connor's best lobbying for Chuck E Cheese), as per our original plans, because Connor was still feeling kinda crummy. So we decide to do takeout from Olive Garden and I insist we all go together to get the food, even though Olive Garden is a 20 minute drive away from us. I love family together time, especially in a car! *snort* Especially when Noah brings his Peter Pirate Pop Up and we have to listen to that wind-up-toy music the whole way there, and on the way home listen to the fighting over it and the eventual THUNK as it is thrown and hits the floor, and the subsequent screaming about why we won't pick it up. Why did I insist on family together time when I could have escaped the kids and driven to Olive Garden myself (the long way), listening and singing to Mamma Mia the whole way there, you ask? I don't @!@# know!!!

So, yeah, with us over $400 poorer, Noah is now officially 4 years old. I suppose $3 of that wasn't wasted as it went toward paying for Topsy the Triceratops. And Connor's thrilled beyond words that he has a new magnificent driving car and it's not even close to his birthday or to Christmas (though he had a fit this morning because I wouldn't let him drive it to his bus stop). And we DID get our money's worth from the movie popcorn, 'cause I'm eating it right now as I'm typing - I knew it would be a long blog post and I would need major sustenance.

And friends, when I'm planning Noah's birthday next year, I need you to remind me of what I stated earlier - Noah is easily satisfied, and please tell me, "Estelle, remember the Parable of the $3 Topsy the Triceratops and the $342 Big Scary Green Car."

(Oh, and sorry about the Pop the Weasel tune. If you still have it in your head, just tune in now to Jamie's blog because she always has great music queued up!) *All the single ladies...de da da...yeah!*