Surprise! Mark says ALOHA to another decade gone...

*Editor’s Note: Yes, I’m a wordy blogger, but since I only blog every couple of months, I want our devoted readers to get their money’s worth, so pop yourself some popcorn, grab a Diet Coke (oh wait, that’s MY preferred snack, yes PLEASE get me some, too!), and prepare to sit and read for a while. And as an extra-special treat, I’ve also included a record-breaking number of amazing photos for your gawking pleasure.*

So, in August, Mark celebrated QUITE a landmark birthday – the BIG one, if you know what I mean. Out of consideration for Mark and the spry & youthful reputation he must maintain, I won’t name any incriminating and potentially embarrassing numbers.

I was able to successfully pull off a surprise luau party for Mark’s birthday this year, due to two VERY important factors – I happen to be a fantastic, poker-faced liar, and Mark happens to be extremely gullible and trusting. Oh yes, we make an excellent pair.

Our fellow party-loving friends, Rich and Angie, volunteered their crib for the festivities and we had it decked out with awesome tiki torches (that were later used by kids to toast their crackers – uhhhh, okay, yeah, that must have tasted good), Tiki bubble blowers and glowing lanterns, the world’s worst & cheapest piñata, and ALL manner of tacky Party Store Hawaiian decorations! Then we invited just a few close friend families to Mark, and okay, NOW it’s a party!

{Read this next part as a rhyme, prepare to be amazed at my talent}

Cake and kebabs and pineapples, oh my!

And the final treat – the kids banished outside to eat!

We had some serious limbo competitions going on. Wha??? Really? Okay, well, no, not really. But it was still pretty darn funny!

I think as Eric went under, the limbo-stick-holders lowered the limbo stick onto Eric’s throat thereby cutting off air circulation, resulting in this most hilarious photo (you’ll want to enlarge this one):

Angie came through the limbo gauntlet doing more of a cha-cha rather than a limbo? I dunno, you take and look and decide:

Though he put up a good fight and went through 2 or 3 rounds, eventually Alan succumbed to the worthy opponent of the limbo stick:

I didn’t include this next photo to show off Mark’s stellar limbo skills, since obviously he’s totally cheating (or else too old to limbo!!!) – look closely at this photo – what is Alan doing to his baby?? This cracks me up.

Patricia was quite the game limbo queen, only narrowly losing the adult champion title:

And our adult limbo champion title went tooooo….Melissa! That chica can BEND! Is that NORMAL? Goodness gracious.

Wait, what am I saying???!? That’s just freakin’ FREAKY! Melissa, you EARNED your Dora The Explorer bubble blower prize, that’s for sure!

Our youth limbo champion title was claimed by Nathan (thanks for the correct twin ID, Kelsey!). Indeed, he even dressed for success in a shirt with “AWESOME ends with ME” – how could he NOT win?

And amongst the festivities, a poignant photo of starcrossed love was captured. It goes like this….Shelby R. and Blake M. were born only 3 weeks apart . Their mothers, Estelle and Marci, are good friends and immediately arranged the future marriage of this cutest little girl and grooviest little boy. Over the past nearly 3 years, Shelby and Blake have been thrust together numerous times in order to foster their eternal partnership. Blake has been cooperative and even quite charming and knows that he must cough up some SERIOUS bling in order to win fair (and shallow and jewelry-obsessed) Shelby, but Shelby still has not accepted this future. Doesn’t this photo say it all? Look at Blakey gazing wistfully as Shelby tosses her hair and refuses to have her photo taken with him:

Shelby, you can play hard-to-get for only so long, because look - Brooke was willing to play hula hoops with Blake, and Brooke is awfully cute, too, and MUCH friendlier!

Oh well, if Shelby turns out half as gorgeous as her favorite babysitter, Jamie, she’ll be able to gracefully attend Blake and Brooke’s wedding with Justin Bieber on her arm (or some other kid celebrity, like that kid in the denim Huggies commercials) and grant B&B well and happy wishes.

Oh, but Blakey, look at Shelby’s hula moves!!! OMGoodness, is she a DOLL or what?!?!?? These photos make me melt.

And check out that grass skirt - Angie and I purchased different grass skirts at different times from different places, and these skirts were supposed to fit 14+ and “all sizes”. After we SPECTACULARLY unsuccessfully attempted to try these ridiculous skirts on (NO, there are no photos of this!), we (Rich and Angie and Jordan and I) decided to hang the stupid things on the wall (and around the toilet, in an inspired decorating moment for Rich) for decorations. (I likes me some parentheses, eh?)

Speaking of hula hoops, yeah yeah, I made our guests play that lame hula hoop game where you have to hold hands and get the hoop through and around everyone – needless to say when it was grownups vs. kids, the kids trounced us. HOWEVER, the silver lining….when I first saw this photo below and blew it up, I COULD. NOT. STOP. LAUGHING. Okay, go now, blow it up and look.!! LOOK at Angie and Alan (NOT Angie’s husband) holding hands and GUFFAWING, like they have an illicit secret, with sweet and unsuspecting Rich (Angie’s husband) in the foreground, totally clueless to Angie and Alan’s devious mocking of him. Is this hilarious or what? Is that what you see in this photo, too? Or it really just an innocent, stupid hula-hoop game? Or am I a raving X-rated, dirty-minded lunatic?

All good parties get crashed, right? This party was crashed in AWESOME style, quite literally. Thank you, Aiden, for the party-stopping and jaw-dropping run RIGHT. THROUGH. THE. SCREEN. DOOR. Toppling toddlers, spilling Tiki bubble blowers, crushing tomato plants…. (thankfully this was not MY screen door – VERY smart of me to do this party at someone else’s house, eh?)

Aiden, here comes your mom! Dude! You are SOOOO in trouble!!!

Okay, so you remember (3 hours ago and 10 pages ago) my mention of the world’s cheapest and worst piñata? The stupid thing kept coming detached from its hanging-thingy-thing. Here’s Eric trying to fix it, and look at his kids faces in the background (blow it up) – Rachel looks mad enough to......well, mad enough to beat the heck out of a stupid, cheap-a$$ piñata! Bwa ha ha!!

We finally had to poke the stupid piñata through its eye on a tree branch to get it to stay up!

Jordan put this sorry excuse for a piñata out of its misery by knocking not only the piñata, but ALSO the branch through its eye holding it up, right off the tree! Revenge (especially if it involves hitting something) is schweet.

Check this out, Rich can do quite the rockin’ Maori dance! Or maybe it was just the high derived from piñata candies that got into Rich? And uhhh, Connor was the nearest bystander…

Connor doesn’t know what’s more embarrassing – Rich’s moves or the fact that his mommy made him wear a grass skirt and then took photos to immortalize and preserve this future-therapy-inducing experience.

Happy large-number birthday Mark! And you’d better REMEMBER, for my next “landmark” birthday (yes, that would be 30), *I* do NOT like surprise parties (unless it’s a surprise party happening in Tahiti).

Peace out from the groovy and remarkably photogenic (and yes somewhat nerdy since I dressed us all up in matching Black Dog tie-dye shirts) Ritchie fam:

Introducing upstate New York's newest AMAZING water park!

Introducing the newest waterpark in Upstate New York - RITCHIE RIDES! With a beautiful treed setting, fenced and safe, and featuring toddler AND bigger kid slides:


And both are conveniently located together, a perfect harmony! .....usually....


We have a smaller, cozy size so that you don't have to worry about losing your children (UNlike those other huge, impersonal water parks that we won't mention here because they simply can't compare to us. Unless you want to lose your kids for a while, in which case we have a handy, secret gate opening to the forested wetland behind our park):


Our water park boasts sophisticated, cutting-edge engineering of our water flow output by our resident professional water park engineer (you may need to enlarge this photo to fully see and appreciate the degree of sophistication we're talking about here):


Our swim area can also turn into a wave pool INSTANTLY! No more waiting and waiting for the designated times! Because at our park, EVERY time is the right time for a splash!


NO LINES! Our park is structured in such a way that no lines accumulate - everyone has a place at all times! (as long as there are only 3 people, anyway)


And to keep our NO-LINE promise to you, we have friendly on-site personnel to "encourage" park patrons to move along quickly:


Conveniently attached swings (attended by professional childcare park personnel) to entertain your child should he/she need a rest from our slides:


A lovely, shaded eating area where you can eat up and get energy FOR MORE FUN!


Complimentary sunscreen provided by our professional sunscreen applicator personnel!


We also allow double-dipping! Two can go down together! Now what other water park allows THAT, I ask you?!?!


Our park is THE hip place to catch sightings of all the latest in kid swimwear haute couture (Shelby is seen here sporting a suit from the exciting Hanna Andersson 2010 summer collection):


You may even catch a plumber's bum sighting! Woohoo! BONUS!!!


We have manicured grounds cared for by our resident professional landscape architect, with special emphasis on pooper scooping:


Our newest addition for EVEN MORE fun (does it ever stop with us??!? NO WAY!) - Our Rocket Sprinkler play area!


Because nothing says SUMMER FUN like having water sprayed up your bum appearing to make you float in mid-air (you'll DEFINITELY want to click to enlarge this photo), am I right or AM I RIGHT!?!??!? Holla! (This is a good time to mention that we have a professional resident photographer on staff as well, to capture these priceless family memories!)


Conveniently located Time-Out areas, right on the water park edge (which can also double as a nose excavation area - we're ALL about the convenience here at our park!):


Excellent professional childcare supervision, who can run faster than your kids in order to catch 'em and escort them to our Time-Out area:


Don't worry, folks, he IS a trained professional and is not hurting this child, we promise:


So water-loving peeps, come on by! We have plenty of room for all! Well, maybe one or two more.... If they're really small......


HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!

Conversations With Connor At the Cinema

During our recent Mommy-Connor date to see The Prince of Persia...


Mommy: Ooooo Connor, they found the beautiful princess! Do you think she's beautiful?
Connor: Yes!
Mommy: But you don't think she's more beautiful than your Queen Mommy, do you?
Connor: Yes!
Mommy: Whaaaat! You bad boy! See if I take YOU on any more dates!
Connor: But Mommy, she has jewels in her hair!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…..time to WIPEOUT!

It’s our family summertime religion – WIPEOUT!

YYYYYAAAAAAYYYYYY!

WOOOOHOOOOO!

We LOVE this crazy TV show showing contestants attempting a huge, padded obstacle course over water. Here’s a screenshot of one of the BEST obstacles that garners that biggest laughs – the BIG balls!:

So, there’s nothing funnier to me (and lucky for me, my 2 little boys have my same sense of humor) than people running into doors or falling down (yes, I also liked America’s Funniest Home Videos and was/still am a huge Chris Farley fan, may he RIP). Yes, I have the sense of humor of a 12-year old boy, always have, always will. Speaking of which, I need a date for the new Adam Sandler movie in a few weeks (Mark is declining on the grounds of being an adult)….anyone? Anyone?

Here’s our Summer 2010 kickoff event, held in our very own living room complete with obstacle courses and our very own big balls! Preparations underway:

Wipeout's youngest contestant, I-Have-No-Fear-I-Have-2-Big-Brothers Shelby!

Connor is so awesome! I dig this kid. He's always up for anything (except averse weather and jalapenos).

Even Mark gets in the fray once in a while. By the way, I do NOT do Mark's sock upkeep. Hello Mark, meet Target - it's a groovy store where they sell new socks.

I love this photo with Noah's foot in the corner (you may remember from my previous posts that I am a fantastic photographer...who needs the whole kid when you have the foot?):

Every summer, Connor laments the fact that he's not old enough to do the actual Wipeout course in SoCal (not that you'd know it from this photo, but well, I had to say something and couldn't come up with anything else). But if he WERE old enough, we'd be SO there!!! *I* however, would not participate (other than burning 1000x of calories laughing my a** off), and Mark is too dignified (aka.....aged).

And hey parents, here’s another bonus – let your kids do a Wipeout activity and they’ll sleep for 11-12 hours straight! Here’s Noah, done like dinna! Bedtime, here he comes!

And, for those of you who live near us and have kids in Connor’s age group, here’s a big secret that I’ll let ya in on early – for Connor’s 8^th birthday party in January 2011, we’re going to throw him a huge Wipeout party. Can you believe he’s turning 8 and he’s never had a big birthday party – we’ve always done family parties and trips for birthdays. So, I’m feeling kinda guilty about that, and I’m going to surprise him with the BIG ONE! But don’t tell Connor, okay?! He thinks he’s going to Maui.

HA HA! Just kidding, of course a Wipeout party would NOT be cooler than going to Hawaii (or would it?!? Hmmm…), but the Hawaii trip is for Connor receiving his black belt in karate, and unfortunately (for our credit card) he’s getting to his black belt earlier than we thought….like, early by a YEAR! Yup, it looks some major events of Connor’s childhood are on a collision crash course destined to ALL arrive in early 2011 - his 8^th birthday Wipeout party, getting baptized, AND getting a Karate black belt with its subsequent Maui reward trip. Plan for your plane tickets now, Grandma & Grandpa! (and whoever else wants to show up – Texas Ritchies? Colorado Davises? – everyone’s invited for the fun!)

Christmas Chicken Chair Update #2

If you aren't already, you may want to familiarize yourself with the ongoing saga of the Christmas Chicken Chair - click here for story #1 and click here for story #2.

Up to speed now? Okay. So, as per my usual getting-ready-to-vacuum procedure, I go around to all of the rooms and put stuff that usually lives on the floor (you know, stuff like ottomans, baskets, Chicken Chairs) up on tables and couches to get 'em off the floor for easier vacuuming.

In the playroom, I always put Christmas Chicken Chair up on the couch for vacuuming.

When I finally got around to vacuuming the playroom, I came in and found that Shelby had actually managed to PUSH the Christmas Chicken Chair OFF of the couch and onto the floor headfirst.


She dislikes it soooo much, this most-fabulous Christmas present ever, that she can't even bear to have it be sitting next to her?!?!?!?

Sa wat dee khraap? ROAD TRIP!!! Yahoooooooie!

I LOVES ME some spontaneous road trips! Thursday morning I woke up around 7:30am and did my usual stuff. And by 9am we were planning a trip to Boston for the weekend!

As you can see, I'm not the only one who was giddy and excited! The boys were crazy excited and just plain nutty. But they were perfect travelers (thanks to video games and Pirate music) and we had a great time! We did have to stop in Liverpool for our first bathroom stop for Noah (for those of you who don't live here, Liverpool is approximately....4 miles from Cicero, our home). So yes, THAT was annoying! After that, drinks were kept to a minimum.


Remember my last post about Shelby being the only one in our family NOT a nerd? Well, see here, this is what I mean - her brothers were...well, you saw that photo above....meanwhile, here's Shelby in all her coolness. Basically, too cool for you. Uh-huh.


The weather was perfect, we had a waterfront hotel with fabulous views of the Harbor. I fear the housekeeping staff had their hands full after we left, cleaning the thousands of handprints off of all the windows.


Oh! Why did we go to Boston, you ask? Whoops! Well, Mark is starting an African Safari company to help fund Soils For the Future (a carbon offset project for Tanzania), and it just so happens there are a bunch of travel show conventions around the East coast during the next few weeks. Here's Mark manning the African Travel Association (ATA) booth:


I sure hope Save the Planet Safaris (click to go the website) makes money because the ATA had the most boring booth in the whole show, and I would absolutely LOVE to design a booth for next year's shows. It only costs $3,000 - $10,000! Yikes.

This would be a good time to mention that anyone who wants to go on a Safari with us who is reading this blog (all 3 of you - Mindy, Carrie & Jamie) can have a 30% Friends & Family discount! Here's our friendly staff, ready to take your call NOW!:


Here's Connor playing the steel drums at the Aruba setup. Yes, they sold me - I am soooo going to Aruba VERY SOON to meet the 90,000 friends I haven't met yet there.


Aruba had the coolest, funnest setup! But watch out Aruba, next year you'll be contending with me, and I'm no slouch when it comes to marketing and advertising displays! *wondering if I can borrow an elephant from the Boston Zoo?* Elephant rides trump steel drums, right?


The Busch Gardens and Seaworld setup was also fantastic and lots of fun, of course. Get a look at this baby kangaroo! Have you ever seen anything sweeter??? Actually, Shelby spent all of her time at these booths cooing at the female staffers and repeating over and over again, "Happy day! Happy day! Happy day!" They LOVED her! So, maybe Shelby was sweeter than the baby kangaroo.


Well, actually, obviously Connor wasn't interested in the animals. As a matter of fact, Connor had several meltdowns during the 2 days of the show. All these countries from all over the globe and all of their marketing materials were in ENGLISH?!??!?!? Connor's still fascinated with languages, and he was absolutely devastated not to see materials in different languages. He even introduced himself to the lady manning the India booth with, "Hi, I'm Connor. I'm a linguist. Do you have any materials printed in Hindi?" SERIOUSLY. The lady just blinked at him and then blinked at me. I just smiled.

We did make a fun discovery later while surfing language sites on the internet. To say "Hi, how are you?" in Thai, you say "Sa wat dee khraap?" Needless to say, Connor and Noah and I entertained ourselves for about an hour in the hotel room asking each other, Hey Connor, so what the crap!?!? Hey Noah, so what the crap??! Hey Mommy, so what the crap??! Much to Mark's chagrin, I have the sense of humor of a 12-year old boy (explaining my love for Ben Stiller and Adam Sandler movies), it's true.

Connor did have a LEEEETLE bit of fun at the travel show - at the kid area jumping gyms, Connor FINALLY lost his first tooth - he's 7 now and it was high time!


I had dreams of getting a family photo of us to document this momentous turning point in our lives, where we morph from being a boring, nerdy University professor family to a cool, globe-trotting entrepreneuring family. Connor wasn't having it, neither was Noah, and look at me with that strained, teeth-gritting fake smile and frazzled hair - that is a "take-the-freakin' picture-now-I've-been-with-these-psycho-kids-for-way-too-freakin'-long-and-I'm-about-to-KILL-somebody" expression. You're all moms, you all know exactly what I mean.


Yeah, well anyway, momentous occasion marked. *sigh* FAIL.

Back to happier times now - Shelby amused herself in the hotel room pushing her friends around in her stroller. I know it doesn't really go with the "vibe" of this blog post, but I just love this photo of her. She's my little sweetie-cheekie.


Like I said earlier, we drove all the way to Boston and back listening to pirate music (from our last Halloween's dressing up our SUV to look like a pirate ship for our pirate family - see that blog post by clicking here) and the Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat soundtrack. We all agree on and love that music, too.

Gosh, that makes us sound so goody-goody, doesn't it? Well, before you give me the Mom 0f the Year award, we also know every word to Britney Spear's Womanizer and I'm afraid that Noah can sing along to most of Adam Lambert's naughty lyrics (Adam is my go-to preschool music).

But I digress. Here's a couple of sing-along videos for your enjoyment, with love from us to you:




Sorry about the unfortunate nose-picking incident there, but I'm too lazy to figure out how to edit the movie down, and besides that, I need some good stuff to show Connor's future girlfriends!



Happy trails!